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Quotable Quotes

The following are some of our favorite lines from various Chick publications. (Tracts, unless noted otherwise.) We call them Quotable Quotes, because they the summerize the essance of that particular tract in just a sentance or two. See if you can guess which tract each quote came from. You can email us your favorite quotes as well. More will be added as we get them.


1. "Well done! His stomach cramps will begin in about three hours!" Jesuit assassin gloating over in his latest poison victim in The Attack.


2. "Haw-haw-haw! Delightful! So disarming... So innocent...yet so effective!" Satan laughing at Bewitched tv show reruns, from Bewitched.


3. "Go on Cathy, you're getting through!" Mr. Bishop listening to the testimony of his daughter's Christian friend, the day before he croaks in The Assignment. He doesn't get saved however, he burns.


4. "I said- I don't know. You tell me!" An evolution professor asking his Creationist student for the answers about science, from Big Daddy.


5. "You have AIDS Peter, and you will die very soon." The village Doctor giving it to his patient straight in Going Home.


6. "Just shut up! Can't you see we're going to crash!" Rev. Davidson telling the Fundamentalist who's trying to save him to be quite. He'd rather concentrate on his pending airliner crash (and journey to the lake of fire). Flight 144.


7. "Alex, are YOU a Mason?... I had no idea you were into witchcraft." Ed, the concerned neighbor, casually dropping the bombshell on Alex that being a Mason will damn his soul. The Curse of Baphomet.


8. "Look out-- Here come de judge-- Here come de judge! Haw-haw!"- A friend (demon in disguise) lampooning someone passing out tracts in Somebody Goofed.


9. "Kiss your money goodbye, baby-- Because I'll NEVER pay you back!" - Not a very grateful friend who borrowed $3,000 from a Christian and then died a Christless grave. The Secret of Prayer.


10. "And so you ladies believe this girl, Maria, has a demon?"- A devout Christain who will preform an Exorcism in The Thing.


11. "First, you go on the pill. I'll give you some. Your date's in two weeks. That's long enough. And I'll throw in a few condoms too!" -Ms. Damien urging Suzi to "go for it" on her upcoming date with Craig in That Crazy Guy.


12. "Watch me close every exit, mister!" -A know-it-all teenager attempting to confound the wise Christian who is trying to advise him in The Great Escape.


13. "Marcie, get out of here. YOU'RE DEAD! You don't exist any more."- Debbie telling her suicidal friend to leave the D&D game in Dark Dungeons.


14. "Say, did you ever hear the story about the time God was murdered by man?" - A Christian about to witness to the slacker teenager in A Demon's Nightmare.


15. "I'm going to vomit!" An archaeologist who discovers the Canaanite ruines depicting homosexuals in The Gay Blade.


16. "It's party time, kid!" -Satanists kidnapping Mandy (whom they kill) in the more common version of The Poor Little Witch, page.


17. "You stupid Jive turkey!" Leroy Brown confronting his rival in Soul Story.


18. "Hi, I'm Reverend Ray and I'm gay!" -A gay minister who tries to convince a Christian that Jesus loves homosexuality. Sin City.


19. "This sweet thing is MINE tonight!" AIDS infected thug dragging off his future conquest in Trust Me.


20. "Now look! I've lived a real good life! I was no different from anyone else!" -Recently deceased soul about to go before God in This Was Your Life.


21. "It's that time again!" -A fat, hairy homosexual about to molest a young kid in Doom Town.


22. (Comic book) "NOTE: Witches believe that only occult symbols in 3 dimensional shapes such as jewelry, statues or books pushing the occult can be used for casting spells... SO YOU NEED NOT BURN THIS BOOK." - Footnote from Spellbound? comic book.


23. "I HATE YOU CUZ YOU'RE BLACK!" "YOU HONKY DEVIL!" {(The spanish version): "!Te aborrezco, negro estupido!" "!Blanco anormal!"} - Race baiting between two white and black guys inThe Mad Machine .


24. (Comic book) "LOOK OUT MAN--HERE HE COMES!!!" "HE'S ONE BAD DUDE!" - Black guys clearing a path for drug pusher and future Christian convert, James Carter inOperation Bucharest.


25. (Comic book) "I'm not the kind of guy who wastes time. Thanks for saving Darlene's life...but...I demand an apology for scaring her about going to hell!" - Jeff confronting the Crusaders about saving his girlfriend and then witnessing to her in Angel of Light


26. (Comic book) "Die, you dog..for the Blessed Virgin!" - A catholic thug stabbing a protestant in King of Kings The Bible in Pictures:


27. "Thank you, heretic . . . Oops, I mean my brother. May Mary Immaculate, the patroness of the United States, bless you and intercede with her Son for you. Amen." - A Catholic bishop visiting a Christian TV show inWhy No Revival?


28. "Is it serious?" "Yes, Chester. I'm afraid we'll be eating sand for breakfast." - One crew member to another inTitanic.


29. "You touch us and I'll cut you, daddy!" - Daughter to her drunk father in Happy Hour.


30. "No flat tire's gonna stop us from getting that abortion today!" - Thelma driving Asheley to the Abortion clinic in Baby Talk.


31. "I'll keep quite old buddy, if we can share and share alike." - The beer bellied neighbor offering not to turn Henry in for molesting his daughter, providing he gets to do the same in Lisa.


32. "Oh honey, you just don't know. I'm really your sister." - David's thought balloon, lamenting over his secret homosexuality as his girl friend drones on about what a great date he is inWounded Children.

33. "Israel's greatest enemy is the vatican. Israel will regret any agreements made with Rome!" - Anti-Vatican warning from Love the Jewish People.


34. (Comic book) "Addiction & Partying include Drugs (non-Hallucinating), smoking, alcohol, caffeine... Under these countless unclean spirits, each under strict control of its comander." - Angel of Light chart of Satan's Spiritural Structure.


35. (Comic book) "That's right Jim... Everything ties together. I'll show you!"- Preacher modeled after John Todd revealing the conspiracy of record companies to demonically curse their own music in Spellbound?


36. (Comic book) "The girl was dragged into a black and white car-- witnesses heard her screams-- man, that turns me on!" "Me too-- Let's get another one!"- Two thugs reading the paper in Angel of Light.


37. "There is no way Helen could be called a Christian-- Not according to the Bible!" -Narration referring to a devout Catholic, Helen, from Are Roman Catholics Christians?


38. (Audio tape) "Hello. My name is Jack Chick. And in some parts of the country, my name is Mudd!"- Jack's opening narration to his tape Let's Take A Stand.


39. "Cathy Hillman is 16--very close to Bishop's Daughter--She's faithful. I think we can make a penetration!" - Angels disussing how to reach Biship before his death in The Assignment. The text was later changed to "I think we can use her!"


40. "Don't do your HOMEWORK!" From Here, Kitty Kitty

[submitted by other readers]


"Gee, I wonder if Chick's gonna get iced?"

Jack Chick from tape 2A of "Closet Witches", in reference to the backlash he got from attacking the Vatican. (He felt his friends backed away from him out of fear of assassination attempts.)

It's just so quaint.... Who says things like that?


"Run... 'Tis the devil himself!"

The Sheriff in "Boo!" after the bullet-proof killer removes his mask to reveal his true identity.

Again, who talks like that? I still giggle whenever I read that one. -Adam

"Uncle Bob's with her! He makes me nervous because he reminds me of Jesus."

From The Nervous Witch.


"What are they doing, Daddy?" "They're praying to their moon god, son." (even funnier because many theologians believe Judaism may have developed from a polytheistic religion. Adonai may have originally been a storm god.) from Allah had No Son.


"He saw many of them turning into perverts... Jesus created Adam and Eve- not Adam and Steve!"

From God With Us. (this one made me laugh so hard cranberry juice went up my nose)

-Enjoy! -CerionV

"Why am I burning down there?"

From That Crazy Guy. Talk about your burning questions! HAW HAW! -Dtillman

"If anyone tries to make you gay, stay away from them!"

From The Birds And The Bees: (Li'l Susy telling her friends about homosexuality.) -Darkkakurine

"Hold it lady. You just blew your cover. You're a witch! And I can prove it!"

From Satan's Master (Rebecca Brown's alter ego confronts a new age witch trying to misguide Christians.)


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