Leave Your Remains to Us!
(The remains of your Estate, that is.)
You can't take it with you... But that doesn't mean you have to give it to someone else who never did anything to earn it!
(Of course, if you really want to give it away, you can always give it to us. We'll gladly accept it. But we're also willing to earn it, doing what we do best... horrifying those who deserve it!)
So the Terror of Tallahassee is proud to announce it's the first and only commercial haunted house to offer the "Survive a night in the haunted house or inherit nothing" will challenge.
Oh sure, you've seen it before in the movies, but that was pretend. This time, it's for real.
And it's simple, too. All you gotta do is talk to us, talk to your lawyer, modify your will, and die.
Yes, it's that easy!
Your new will shall stipulate that your heirs must spend and survive the entire night in our haunted house, or else they give up their inheritance to The Terror.
We'll need to be absolved of any liability, of course, (especially mental distress caused by traumatic experiences) and there will be a fee to pay our expenses (which include insurance, staff, utilities, applicable taxes, etc.) in the unlikely event your beneficiaries make it through the entire night. (But you'll be dead anyway, so why should that matter to you?)
Just imagine how much better you'll sleep (both before and after your death) knowing that your heirs will have to do something challenging to get their grubby little paws on your money. And if they aren't willing to face their fears to actually earn what you worked so hard for your entire life to achieve, then someone else (or something else) will.
Besides, there is no better place to pay a final visit to your dearly departed friends than at the Terror of Tallahassee. Oh yes, you'll be there too, in an open casket or urn **. (We wouldn't dream of denying you a front row seat! We'll even prop up a mirror above you to make sure you get a good veiw.)
We promise, it will be a night they won't forget, and an inheritance they will never take for granted!
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*Your deceased attendance is optional, of course, and will require pre-arrangements with your lawyer and undertaker. But we'd love to have you there, both in body AND spirit!