Site Contents © 2013 Monsterwax
© 2013 Monsterwax
Chick Tract Contest 2001
Visit the GIANT Chick Site at Chickcomics.com
It was very tough determining winners this year, because so many of the entries were so good. Everyone deserves applause for some great Chick tales. In the end, however, we selected the following based on the quality of the ideas and the humorous manner in which they wrote about it. They were:
1st PLACE WINNER!
My favorite chick tract experience (and believe me, I've had MANY) involves a guy that lives in my apartment building. We have a big, long parking lot in front where about 40 cars park in a long row. Anyway, there's a jeep that always seemed to be parked either next to me or a couple cars away. It had one of those gay pride stickers (actually, just a "rainbow strip" across the back window-- they're very popular in my town). I'm not sure if he was gay or just one of these trendy liberals pretending to care about gay rights (I live in a rather large city and we have lots of "enlightened" university types).
So I decided it would be fun to order a pack of DOOM TOWN tracts when I made my bi-yearly order to stock up. (generally I get "Hey There," "The Empty Tomb," and other more moderate ones that aren't psycho anti-Catholic, paranoia-laden conspiracy propaganda). But I bought a 50-pack of Doom Town this time and started putting one under his windshield whiper everyday. I worked third shift at the time, so I got home about an hour before anyone else was awake and that's when I'd make my move.
After about a month, he left a very nasty note on the windshield demanding that whoever was doing this stop leaving "hate literature" on his car. Naturally, I lined all twenty remaining tracts under his windshield wipers and immediately went online and ordered 200 more copies. During the week that it took them to arrive, he thought the barage was over. Yeah Right! JACK CHICK MUST BE HEARD! THE CHICK REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED!
As soon as I got them, I started leaving them under his wipers again, but I took it farther. I found out which apartment he lived in and began rubber banding them to his doorknob and slipping them under his door. About another month went by. One morning I arrived home at 5am, about to make my daily deposit of Doom Town on this gay jeep when I noticed that he was sleeping in his jeep! Slunk way down in the driver's seat, trying to catch me in the act!! HILARIOUS!! I just walked right past his car into the building. I decided it was time to end the prank. I was afraid he'd call the cops or something if he was willing to sleep in his jeep just to catch me. The next morning when he left for work, I was waiting in my car. I followed him to work (he worked at a huge industrial furniture factory where there were tons of cars, making my job easier). I came back at about 10:00am and began "decorating" his car with DOOM TOWN. I weaved them into the grill, put them under his wipers, on his license plate. It was July and, to my delight, he left his windows cracked open. I must have thrown 50 of them into his car-- front seat, back seat, floor, you name it.
Then I drove back to our building for the coup de grace. Everyone's mailbox was in one room, organized by apartment number. I found his and spent 20 minutes forcing all of the remaining tracts through the little vent on the front of the mailbox. I wish I could have seen his face. That was 6 months ago. The time may be approaching to start leaving "Sin City" for him every morning.
Congratulations Zack. You win the assortment of 75 Chick tracts. May you be as creative passing these little dandies out was you were DOOM TOWN!
2nd PLACE WINNER! (Please contact us as we've lost your address.)
Hi guys, Boy, am I a huge fan of Chick Pubs. So glad I found you!
Anyway, I rent quite a few tapes, so I got the idea to insert tracts into the tape cases when I returned them:
First, I put "Big Daddy" in with the Adam Sandler movie "Big Daddy". But, my masterpiece was:
"The Visitors" inside of "Orgazmo" (movie by the makers of "South Park" about a Mormon who unwittingly becomes a porn superhero). Just spreading the word, brothers and sisters!
Other ideas for tracts in tapes:
* "Soul Story" inside of "Shaft" (older version) or "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka"
* "Flight 144" inside of "Passenger 57"
* "Titanic" inside of "Titanic" (obvious)
* "Jaws", "Firestarter", etc. inside their respective movie monikers (also obvious)
* "Who Murdered Clarice?" inside of "Silence of the Lambs" or "Hannibal"
* "The Gay Blade" inside of "The Birdcage" or "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" -- "Doom Town" inside of "To Wong Foo..." (the alliteration, dontcha know)
* "Angels?" inside of "This is Spinal Tap"
* "Lisa" inside of any latter-day Woody Allen movie
* "Great Escape" or "The Last Generation" inside of "Soylent Green"
Oh, there's more, but I can't think of them all...
Cheers, --Dorothy N.
Kudo's Dorthy. You win the 35 tract assortment of Chick tracts. I might have to start checking out some of Woody Allen's rather uninspired comedies, just to see if I can snag another copy of LISA!
3rd PLACE WINNER! (Please contact us as we've lost your address.)
Tract Lady 1/10/01
I look in the newspapers and under the police beats, it tells peoples name, address, and reason for being arrested. I send them the tracts that deal with why they got in trouble in the mail.
Good Work Tract Lady, your plan was simple but brilliant. You win our 3rd place batch of tracts!
I work at a large grocery store. Consequently, I have some rather unique opportunities. Frankly, I love the opportunity to be creative in where I leave them. Here's a few places I've hit--so far!
War Zone in the School Supplies section
Bad Bob! This was slipped inside a 12 pack of a popular beer. In the handle at the top are holes. I slip the tract deep inside, so it can't be felt when you pick it up. They won't find it until they are home drinking. Next time, it will be Happy Hour. (Haw! Haw! Haw!)
How to Get Rich and Keep It inside the plastic cover of Money magazine. The purchaser will open the magazine and the tract will fall out of its pages like a subscription card!
Where's Rabbi Waxman? Our chain has an entire Kosher section, and we bring in special products for Passover every year. The good Rabbi was placed in-between two packages of Passover matzos, and was gone within a day. Hopefully, a "rabbi" got it, ( I mean really got it) since they purchase for the synagogues and bless them.
Love Story was put into Valentine's Day floral bouquets, candy, teddy bears, you name it. Even in the Greeting cards. Everyone who bought something for Valentine's Day in our store probably got Love Story when they got home. (These are also especially good for women's rest rooms, Romance novels, etc.)
The Sissy? I put this little gem in the racks on the inside of a semi trailer that was leaving our store and was headed back to the warehouse. When our driver went to reload that trailer, it was sticking out right at eye level. I wish I could have seen his face.
No Fear? This was another magazine entry. It went inside a Teen Beat kind of magazine. Since this tract is aimed at teen suicide, I hope it was fruitful.
The Secret was left in the feminine hygiene department. It was missing within hours. The next morning it was back! Apparently, someone found it, read it, and decided its message was important to someone who needed it, and didn't want it go to waste. They brought it back to the exact same place I left it, and it was gone for good by that evening. It was a safe bet that it was gotten by a woman--hopefully the one who needed it.
The Present was left with our seasonal candy for children on a special display.
Last Rites went into the "sacred" candles that come in a glass container in the Hispanic foods section. Since we have a large Hispanic population in my city, every one of our stores has a section like this--geared to cater to the Catholic/Hispanic community.
This Was Your Life of course, these can go anywhere...but I put mine in the Summer Fun display. The patio tables, coolers, yard stuff, water hoses--all made me think of the Scripture the man uses in the front, "Eat, drink, and be merry..."
The Visitors was given to one of our department people whose department was frequented by Mormon missionaries. He wanted some answers, and I gave him the tract to use in dealing with them.
Last but not least, The Death Cookie. This was for our Keebler vendor. I put it into the cookie supply and when he went to load his cookies on the aisle, he got a surprise! I don't know if he's Catholic or not, but I do know this--he read it, 'cuz Chick Tracts get read!
In the future, I am looking for more ways to be creative! How about Cleo in the dog food section? Poor Little Princess in the Halloween candy? The ideas are almost endless. Just think, everyone goes to the grocery store....
Those are all classic tract launching locations, Dewy! We're out
of prizes, but we have a feeling you'll receive more than a fair share of
appreciation when you check out from here and visit that great grocery store
in the sky!
Here were the other 2001 entries. We thank each writer for sharing their story with us:
I'm on a swim team and go to the pool almost three times a week. I like leaving the tracts in the girls lockers for them to find and putting them in the locked ones so they'll see them right away. Two days later, when I went back, they were all gone! I'm going to start ordering some Spanish ones too because the janitors there speak spanish and I think it would be easier to read that way. My dad leaves tracts in the outhouses on the job sites. Everytime, they get picked up.
Tom A. (Dothanm Al) 11/21/01
I put "Bad Bob" inside of the college football previews at the supermarket, strategically placed where the Alabama Crimson Tide page starts...
Ever since I moved here in March of 2000, I've been planting Chick tracts inside my apartment complex's laundry facilities, where I soon noticed that some member of the Watchtower Tract Society was also leaving behind color newsletters, entitled Awake and The Watchtower, which promoted his cult. I figured that both he and anyone flipping through his material could use some solid refuting from a more orthodox and Biblical perspective, so I became more diligent in regularly planting Chick tracts there. I'd see them last several days before they got snatched for good or otherwise disposed of, and I doubt anyone who noticed my occasional monitoring established a connection between me and the tracts, since not many fundamentalists are known for growing their hair down to their waist. (Ray's story continued in detail here.)
Oh, why not. I might as well get something out of this highly disturbing experience:
I had a dream the other night. In said dream, I was playing one of those dreaded RPG's (which, in actuality, I haven't done in years.) I opened up a box into which I had put my gaming supplies, and I pulled out.... Chick tracts. Handfuls of them. Real ones (I remember seeing The Demon's Nightmare) and 'dream' ones (Why Alley Cats are a Sin, anyone?)
Being as how I'm a devout atheist, I think it's pretty damn impressive that I managed to smuggle Jack T Chick's literature into my own subconscious mind....
I was studying Psychology at college. Being a Christian and having learned from Jack T. Chick, I am a Creationist. Our course content included some evolution theory. On the day of the final examination, I smuggled in some "Big Daddy" tracts. I answered all the questions on the test as we had been taught (I decided not to proselyte on the exam itself, saving me precious marks). I DID leave my "Big Daddy" tracts in the stack of finished examination papers. Although I dream of having the courage to debunk all the evolutionary theory I have since been fed, I am just not as brave as the "JTC Christians" and have stuck to the anonymous method. Here's hoping that the Jesus I worship will be understanding (as I hope He's understanding for my choice of using the New International Version rather than the KJV).
When I first saw Flight 144 the perfect way to distribute Chick tracts became obvious. I like to leave that particular tract in the seat pockets or inside the airline magazines whenever I travel. I can usually only get away with leaving them in the seats in the same row as me, but sometimes when I'm on a layover I can manage to sneak the tracts into several rows in the areas around me when the stewardesses are not looking. Although I know some people will be annoyed, they will forget about it. If I can bring the Joy of Chick to just a few souls who never knew about him I consider the effort well-spent.
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